Breast Cancer Advice Center

How to help, support,and encourage my friend dying with breast cancer, this makes her 3rd time she has had it.

She had breast cancer 4yrs ago & had both breast removed. 1st of this yr Drs. found it again. They did surgery. In two weeks they found it had spread into bones and behind the chest. Drs. said no more surgery. Shes taken radiation and is gonna take chemo, maxim strength. She is only 34. How can I be the best friend? What do I say to her? What do I buy for gifts for someone dying? I wonder if she is making plan for her children and husband. The husband is stepdad to the oldest. The children will be seperated at her death.She has been given about 2 years left.

Public Comments

1. My mother died of cancer too. Her best friend was an angel and i thank god for her. She has been like a second mom to me ever since. It may be different because I am older than your friends children.
   
   Moms best friend supported her by helping to take care of paperwork and bills and stuff when she got too sick to understand them, by visiting her a lot even though it was hard, making sure the nurses get her whatever she needs.
   
   She helped my mother get through her will and stuff. When she was in the hospital she helped with pets and collected mail. When she wasnt she let my mother stay at her house when she was really too sick.
   
   Also by calming me and talking to me so that I would feel okay. When i went to visit her at a hospital afterwards she would just sit with me a while or give me something to eat. She stayed over at our house when my mother was sick and let mom stay in her house when she was too sick to live at home,
   
   Presents dont matter as much as presence.
   
   It is so easy to want to not be around her when it makes you sad. Her family may not be able to stay by her side too much towards the end because it hurts to watch someone disintegrate. You can be her best friend by being by her side. Thats all that matters.
   
   If you feel the need to buy gifts, just bring things to brighten her day when the moment is right. Nothing contrived. If she is stuck in a hospital bring a pack of cards, her favorite cd, some things to eat, or if she cant eat bring flavored lip gloss. But most of all, stay by her side and let her know that you will be there if her kids need someone to talk to or help them out down the road.
   
   --additional--:
   maryjane has a good idea with the books, my favorite was one called "Embraced by the light", which was very reassuring
2. Hi there,
   My Mum died two years ago after fighting cancer 3 times. My Mum went through Chemo and eventually ended up bedridden, I think the best gifts you can give your friend is memories, I saw my Mum the day before she died and she had everyone of our family there with her, although none of us knew it would be the last time we saw her alive, just by coincidence we all turned up at the same time. I know my Mum was so happy that day to have all her family around her being normal, having a giggle. Memories in the last stretch of life must help both the sufferer and families get through this awful time. I know it has me. Also talk to her about her wishes, the worst thing to say is nothing at all !!
   Hope it helps x x
3. wt u can do is u can convince her for da inconvence casused her n u acn support her u should keep her hppy as possible n not keep her sad....n it depends on u .....n if u wan i acn amil ur frnd...n help her
4. wow, thats a tough question to answer, just be there for her in whatever she needs, keep praying for her and her family and let her know that she is now in my prayers....best of luck to everyone
5. im so sorry to hear that the best thing u can do is support her try to get her to do things she has always wanted to do (of course if she is up 2 it) just be there when she needs u i can tell your an amazing friend ask her what her plans are for her kids she will know what is best
6. I'm sorry this must be difficult for you. Maybe let your friend know that it is OK to die, so she won't be afraid of dying. Get some books about Near Death Experiences, from people who have died and came back. These books make it seem dying is OK and natural and peaceful. These books speak of people waiting on the other side and information like that.
7. You don't have to say anything. She'll know why you're there. Do things for her such as clean her house, buy groceries, do her laundry, etc. Don't be surprised if she talks to you about her children and what she wants for them once she is gone.
   What this world needs is more people like you.
8. Pray to god, if u have faith in jesus he will heal her now itself i promise u he will surely heal he is a creator of all so start believing him in jesus name amen.